Guys, I have a confession to make.
Now before you freak out on me or anything, I just really want to apologize – it seems that my actions have brought considerable
annoyance to you all.
I’d also like to plead insanity.
I seem to have an issue with multiple personalities. I know that if you read my LiveJournal
, you will undoubtedly find me a rather opinionated person who has at least minimal education and is fairly liberal, on most things. However, I suspect that there is a darker, more terrifying side to me than there may seem to be, which is well hidden away. So well, in fact, that even if you take the time to read through my mostly mundane ramblings on how I’m failing Physics (only I’m not) you will still not see the horrible secret that I keep – unless of course, you have some set of sensors for dangerously insane people that enable you to see through my layers of deception and the bemoaning of my homeless status to find that I am actually well on my way to being the reason for everything that is ill with the world today – or at least your little corner of it.
Oh, yes, good people. I suspect that my untamed Evil Alternate Personality created fandom_scruples
I have investigated the matter and found that there is overwhelming evidence for this to be true:
1. I am a Sugar Quiller, so obviously, my secret evil plot is to orchestrate the downfall of all things smutty in this fandom, eliminate obscure ships that have absolutely no canon reference whatsoever and spread discord and enmity amongst the otherwise harmonious ranks of HP fans that do not visit The Sugar Quill.
2. (Or more like, 1.b.) Since I am a Sugar Quiller, it is quite reasonable to assume that I am a R/Hr shipper, and we all know that they are evil people who delight in nothing more than bothering other shippers. Now, while I myself am not particularly a Ron/Hermione shipper, I suspect that my evil alternate personality is. This theory is supported by the strangely shippy artwork
that is hanging on my walls and I have no recollection of having printed out at work
3. I am actually on the Blacklist
. Everybody knows that the best way not to incriminate yourself is to attack yourself. That commet where I asked to be removed from the Gold list? Obviously fake.
4. I’m not a biggie in the fandom. My Evil Alternate Personality obviously wants their fifteen minutes of fandom fame.
5. This is all a rather transparent staged attempt by my Evil Alternate Personality to bring more attention to my website
6. Since I’m a Sugar Quiller, you might assume that I’m a H/G shipper, and we all know that they are insane. Especially those with multiple personality disorders.
7. Someone keeps finishing all the coke. She/he/it has got to be evil.
8. I commented in favour of arabe1la
’s original Live Journal entry. Since that was apparently the beginning of all this, I’m surprised that no one has pointed their finger at me already.
9. My mother swears by all that she holds holy that recently, I’ve been staying up shockingly late in front of the computer, giggling somewhat manically to myself. I swear by all that I hold holy that this is indeed not the case – I’ve been going to bed at eleven pm like a Good Girl, because I don’t want to be tired at school in the morning.
10. In fact, there is something else that is strange about my nightly activities: For the last few weeks there seems to be a gap in my memory from about 1 AM until 7 to 8 AM – I have no recollection of what I was doing
during this time. I seem to have a vague recollection of having Orlando Bloom in a compromising position last night, but this is obviously some sordid fantasy of my Evil Alternate Personality.
11. Someone else has been using my toothbrush. All my family swear they haven’t touched it.
12. Since I don’t read incest myself, have never read Lolita and don’t plan to and refuse to lend banned movies to underage viewers at the library where I work, there is obviously a sadistic censorship-supporting bitch inside me, waiting to come out. It gets an opportunity to shine when my Evil Alternate Personality takes over.
13. I’m not fond of children. Therefore, I have obviously construed this most ingenious way of corrupting their innocence and tainting their little minds by listing all the people who don’t lock up their
questionable fiction in an easy-to-access place.
That is all the evidence I’ve come up with so far, but obviously, it is quite overwhelming, and I’m sure that I could find more incriminating stuff on my Evil Alternate Personality if I start digging deeper.
I believe that apologies are in order. First, I apologize to the fandom at large, for having an Evil Alternate Personality who is such an incredible Wanker.
Second, I apologize to all the people who are not on The Blacklist
but deserve to be there since they’ve written excellent smut.
Third, I want to apologize to all the people who had to take desperate measures to get off the Gold list. My Evil Alternate Personality will not emerge during the day, it seems.
Fourth, I want to apologize to arabe1la
since they have been suspected of creating the thing
. (Oh, and stop stealing my thunder...)
Now, I have an appointment with my lovely psychotherapist in the morning. I’m sure she can figure this out.
I’m trying to find a way to delete fandom_scruples
but since I have no recollection of the password it is kind of hard. I’ve already tried ronandhermione4evaomg!!!!ONE
with various different spellings, of course, savethechildren
, and sugarquillroxmysox
but to no avail. Anybody have any good ideas of passwords that I might try?
Miss Pinces Number 1,2 & 4.
P.S. We apologize again for number 3.